Ranma Jijou, Part Six (Ranma Squared, Part Six) A Silly Ranma 1/2 Fan-fiction by Dov Sherman Ranma 1/2 and its characters are all copyright and trademark to Rumiko Takahashi to whom this fan-fiction is dedicated. _.._ ,~~~ \_ / ~-_ / \ | \ / | | ._ | `\ |'\(\,~-. | \/\ |{j (j}/. | ( '- `-~||/ / ,-. `.`' _,/ [~ / 7 ~-~ \_`-.-~/~~ `-~-' Chapter 10: Black Rose Affair Ryouga gazed down upon the Nerima District. From his current position, he had an excellent view. He could make out the Tendo Dojo, Fuurinkan High School, the Nekohanten, all the places he knew. He was surprised to see how close they were to one another. He'd always assumed the Tendo Dojo was miles and miles away from Fuurinkan but it was really only two or three miles. It was really amazing how much you could see with the right viewpoint. He hoped he would land somewhere soft. Kodachi leapt nimbly from rooftop to rooftop, following the wicked pig-tailed girl's flight. The brazen hussy had begun her descent so it wouldn't be long before she landed and Kodachi would be there to greet her. She'd make that witch rue the day she'd crossed the Black Rose. Ryouga plummeted through the night sky. This really wasn't how it was supposed to happen. The plan was falling apart. The entire episode at the Nekohanten had been a complete fiasco and now he'd gotten separated from the Tendos and would have trouble finding them again. He glanced down and saw that he was rapidly approaching the roof of a building but, from this angle, he couldn't tell if it was a store, office, home, or what. He'd know in a moment. Ryouga tucked his legs in and prepared to roll with his landing to minimize the damage. In a crash of splintered wood, Ryouga broke through the roof and into the building below. Kodachi swiftly closed the narrowing gap between herself and that dreaded obstacle to her love with her darling Ranma-sama. Ranma. How his very name filled her gentle heart to bursting. How she longed to be with her darling Ranma every second of every day. She'd sit in class writing his name in the margins of her notebooks. Sometimes she'd write her own name with his family name, "Black Rose Saotome." It sounded so natural. It flowed so beautifully. They must be destined to be together. But that wicked, wicked pig-tailed girl blocked her. How frustrating for her perfect love to be obstructed so unjustly. The pig-tailed girl may try to flee but the Black Rose would not allow her to escape without bringing her to justice. The pig-tailed girl appeared to have gone through the roof of a building two blocks ahead. If that tramp thought she could hide from the Black Rose that easily, she was in for a shock, indeed. Ryouga smacked into the hard floor of the building and rolled to his feet. The air was hot and steamy, though not enough to transform him back to a male. He looked around at the shocked faces of naked women and realized he was in a public bath house. In the women's side, no less. This was no place for a man of honor. He had to get out of here. Kodachi dropped through the hole in the roof and struck a triumphant pose. "Foolish girl, did you think you could evade me so easily? Now I'll make you regret having stolen my Ranma-sama from me!" Kodachi produced a length of ribbon and twirled it gracefully, an evil grin on her face. This was not good. Kodachi stood between Ryouga and the door. Ryouga glanced around for another route of escape, but all he saw were the confused faces of the women in the bath house. Being a fully clothed girl in the women's bath was awkward. For just that moment he was glad to be a girl. If he'd been a guy in the women's bath, his nose would have been bursting blood from the excitement. "What's that, you wicked girl? Looking for an escape? There's no escape from the Black Rose!" Kodachi whipped her ribbon out in a lightning attack. Ryouga leapt to the side, barely evading the ribbon. Kodachi flung a dozen gymnastics clubs at him while simultaneously flinging her hoop on a low attack, parallel to the ground. Ryouga leapt above the hoop and held his arms up to protect his face from the clubs. Several clubs deflected off of Ryouga's arms to imbed themselves in the walls of the bath house but one club belted him in the stomach and threw him back. Ryouga groaned and spun about to see where he'd land. Ah, good, the bath would provide a soft landing. Kodachi shied back as the pig-tailed girl splashed down in the bath. The guests of the bath house were breaking free of their initial shock and loudly protesting the ruckus they were causing. Kodachi frowned in annoyance. How could they protest her mission of love? Didn't they see the necessity of eradicating that horrible girl? Kodachi leapt to the side of the bath and scanned the water. The pig-tailed girl hadn't resurfaced yet but she couldn't hold her breath forever. Beneath the surface of the steamy bath, Ryouga held his breath and looked about desperately. The water had turned him male again and the prospect of being caught in the women's bath was not pleasant. It was the sort of perverted thing Ranma would do. But not Ryouga. Never Ryouga. Ryouga would never let himself do something so low and conniving. Ryouga thought quickly. There was usually a small opening in the wall between the men's and women's sides of a bath house. If he could just make it to the other side before his breath ran out, he'd be okay and he could make his escape from Kodachi through the men's side. Ryouga swam frantically for the wall. The women in the bath looked at the spot where the pig-tailed girl had gone under, fully clothed. "She's been under there an awfully long time." "Do you think she's alright?" "Maybe she drowned!" "Should we pull her up?" "Where is she?" "You can swim but you can't hide!" Kodachi shouted. She used her ribbon to pick up a small, stone statue. Spotting the blurry silhouette of Ryouga under the water, Kodachi hurled the statue toward him. The statue slammed into Ryouga's back and drove him to the bottom of the bath, knocking the breath out of him. He gulped in water and groped about in panic. Ryouga pushed the statue off of himself and broke the surface of the water, gasping desperately for air. "EEEEEEEEEK!!!" Ryouga waved his arms desperately. "Wait! Wait! It was a mistake! I didn't, I mean, uh... eep!" Ryouga held his hands over his nose to quell the sudden gush of blood. A wooden bucket bounced off Ryouga's head and the women in bath set about beating the crap out of him. "Ranma?!" Kodachi blinked. It was Ranma, the love of her life, the fire in her girlish heart, the future father of her children! Kodachi didn't know how he'd come to be in the women's bath, but she couldn't let these women have their way with him. The pig-tailed girl could wait. "Ranma-sama! Don't worry, darling! I'll save you!" Kodachi flicked her ribbon forward and looped it around Ryouga who was swiftly falling beneath the flailing fists of the women. With another flick, she pulled Ryouga safely out of the water and caught him in her arms. Kodachi looked down into the face of her darling Ranma-sama. His eyes were glazed over, his tongue lolled out of his drooling mouth, but he was still as beautiful as ever. Before the other women could react, Kodachi sprinted out the door with her bundle of joy. Outside, the rain had finally ceased. Kodachi leapt up onto a nearby rooftop and set Ryouga down. Nobody followed them from the bath house, most likely because no one wanted to run around outside naked. Kodachi turned back to Ryouga. He was still out cold. Worried, she produced a vial of smelling salts and held it under his nose. Ryouga blinked and shook his head blearily. He looked up into his savior's face. "Kodachi!!!" He scrambled madly for escape. Kodachi glomped onto him, pinning him to the roof. "Oh, my dearest, darling Ranma! How wonderful to be with you again! How my girlish heart aches for you every moment we are apart and how it sings so joyously every moment we are together!" "Alright, hold it right there!" Ukyou landed on the rooftop, her giant combat spatula gripped in her hands. "I've been looking for you, Ran-chan. You owe me an explanation for your behavior this afternoon!" Kodachi looked up at the rude intruder and held tightly onto Ryouga. "How dare you interrupt our joyous reunion! Can't you see we'd rather be alone?!" Ryouga gasped in Kodachi's grip. "Ukyou! Uh, hi... uh..." Ukyou bared her teeth angrily. "You stay out of this, Little Miss Kunou. This is between me and Ran-chan." "No, dear. I believe it is I who am between yourself and Ranma." Ryouga waved his arms. "Uh, hey! Look, do we really have to do this now?" Ukyou snarled. "Stay out of this, Ran-chan. I'll deal with you in a second." She glared at Kodachi. "So you want a fight, is that it?" Kodachi laughed maniacally. "HOHOHOHOHOHO!!! How tiresome. You're no match for me, little girl." Ryouga tried to disentangle himself from Kodachi. This was awful! Ukyou was a nice person and she wouldn't be getting into this mess if it weren't for him. This was all his fault. He had to do something. He had to find a way to stop them from fighting. It was the honorable thing to do. "Hey! Hey! Can't we talk about this?" Kodachi squeezed him passionately. "Don't you worry, my darling. I'll deal with this foolish girl quickly and then we can return to our affairs." "That's enough! You get your hands off him!" "You dare to give orders to the Black Rose?!" Kodachi released Ryouga and stood to face her adversary. "Very well, the Black Rose will have to teach you some manners!" Ukyou raised her spatula. Kodachi produced a ribbon. If Ryouga was going to stop this craziness, he'd have to act fast. As Ukyou swung her spatula in a fierce arc, Ryouga leapt between the two girls, shouting, "Don't! You shouldn*>OOOOF<*!!!" The spatula caught Ryouga in the belly and sent him flying off into the air. "Ranma darling!" "Ran-chan!" The two girls glared at each other and leapt from the roof. Tearing down the street, the girls followed the rapidly vanishing figure of their darling Ranma. Chapter 11: Don't Cry, It's Only Blue Thunder Ryouga gazed down upon the Nerima District. From his current position, he had an excellent view. But you could have enough of excellent views. What he really wanted right now was out of this whole stupid mess. It had started out badly and only gotten worse. He couldn't imagine any way it could possibly get any worse. He hoped he would land somewhere soft. Ukyou and Kodachi followed Ryouga's flight path. He had a good head start on them and the fact that they were trying to attack each other with throwing spatulas and gymnastics clubs while running slowed them down. "Now you see what you've done, you foolish girl?!" spat Kodachi as she sidestepped a hail of spatulas and whipped her ribbon back in retaliation. "This is your fault! I have every right to talk to Ranma! He's my fiance', after all. If you hadn't gotten in the way, this never would have happened!" Ukyou leapt above the ribbon and flung a handful of gunpowder-spiked baking flour. Kodachi ducked under the cloud of flour. "YOUR fiance'? Perish the thought. Ranma-sama is MY fiance'! Why would such a beautiful man marry such a common girl as you?" Kodachi threw her deadly razor hoop. Ukyou deflected the hoop with her combat spatula. "I've known Ranma since we were both little. We're closer than you'll ever be to him. Why would he want to marry a violent psychopath like you, anyway?" She threw a few spatulas. "Who are you calling a psychopath, you peasant?" Kodachi attacked with her clubs. Ukyou swung her spatula. Kodachi lashed out with her ribbon. At this rate, they wouldn't reach Ryouga until several minutes after he'd landed. Ryouga cursed his luck and twisted around to see where he was headed. Below him, a neighborhood park came into view and, if he was judging correctly, it looked like he'd land in the small river that passed through the park, saving himself from a harsh landing. Maybe his luck was going to turn for the better just this once. Ryouga splashed down in the river, thankful to be suffering Ranma's curse rather than his own. Swimming was a lot easier as a girl than as a pig. Ryouga swam toward the surface but came up against the bottom of a boat. He worked his way to the side and reached up to grab the railing of the boat. A hand took his and pulled him aboard. "Pig-Tailed Girl! It is none other!" Kunou cried. "Fortune does truly smile on me tonight as I have just returned from the Tendo Dojo having failed to find you therein. I had thought my rental of this gondola for a romantic tryst betwixt us in vain. Ah, but Sweet Destiny has brought my love to me. Please," Kunou added, pushing a bouquet of roses in Ryouga's hands. "Accept these as a humble token of my undying, eternal love for thee." Ryouga stood dripping riverwater in the gondola, dumbly gripping the bouquet, and staring at Kunou. Sasuke stood in the stern and directed the boat downstream. "Ku... Kunou!" Ryouga gasped. Kunou glomped onto Ryouga and cried, "Ah, my Goddess in Pigtails! How I have longed to be with thee as you most surely have with me." "LET GO OF ME, YOU CREEP!" "Fear not, my love, for Ranma has given us his blessings in this. Let me hold you here in my arms and we will sit and talk of the beauty of our mutual love." Ryouga inwardly swore at himself. HE had given Kunou Ranma's blessings. Now, what had Ryouga gotten himself into. He just hoped he hadn't told Kunou anything else that he'd regret. "YOWCH!!!" Ryouga felt a sharp pain on hit bottom. Kunou had pinched him. Kunou had pinched him on the butt. Ryouga had just been pinched on the butt by a guy. By Kunou. On the butt. Ryouga had been pinched. Ryouga ground his teeth. "Why you..." "Oh, my sweet, pig-tailed vixen, you need not hide your feelings anymore for Ranma himself has surrendered you to me so at last we can enjoy the true rapture of each other's presence." Kunou strengthened his embrace, crushing the flowers between them. Kunou wept joyfully. "Oh, how wondrous to hold your delicate body to mine." Kunou moved his hands down Ryouga's back and pinched each of his buttocks. "AAAAAIIIIIGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Ryouga planted a fist deep into Kunou's stomach then leapt from the boat, using Kunou's face as a springboard. Ryouga landed in the shallow water at the shore's edge. "Ran-chan, you wait right there!" Ryouga spun about to see Ukyou and Kodachi sprinting across the park toward him. "Where are you hiding my darling Ranma-sama, you wench?!" Kodachi screamed. Ryouga looked back at the gondola to see Kunou leaping into the water and quickly swimming toward him. "My love! My pig-tailed Venus!" Suddenly, something fell from the night sky to land in Ryouga's arms. "My sweet Ranma-chan!" Happousai cried. Ryouga threw Happousai to the ground and took off down a path. He didn't know where he was going but he didn't care. He just wanted to get far, far away as quickly as possible. As he pounded down the path, Ryouga risked a glance back over his shoulder. "Ran-chan!" "Witch!" "My Pig-Tailed Beauty!" "My sweet Ranma-chan!" "AAAAAIIIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" [Read this in Akane's voice while envisioning quick clips from an upcoming episode]: Even after Tsubasa we still have two Ranmas? Where did this other Ranma come from? A wish? Is someone going to tell me just what is going on here? Next time on "Ranma 1/2", "Rendezvous with Ranma" See you there!