Ranma Jijou
                            (Ranma Squared)

              A Silly Ranma 1/2 Fan-fiction by Dov Sherman

Ranma 1/2 and its characters are all copyright and trademark to Rumiko
Takahashi to whom this fan-fiction is dedicated.

Foreword: Every time any of the Ranma 1/2 characters comes even close to
having their biggest problems solved, something silly goes wrong.  The
magic water expires, they use the wrong words, the spring gets blown up.
Pretty standard plot devices.  This is that kind of story.

Further foreword: This is my first fan-fiction and my first piece of
prose in a while.  Be forgiving.


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                      Chapter 1: East of Jusenkyou

A few hours ago, Ryouga could've sworn that the Tendo Dojo was just
around the corner.  Now he could've just sworn.  There was no doubt
about it, he was, as usual hopelessly lost.  But, given the snow-peaked
mountains surrounding him, it was hard to deny.  It was a good thing
that he always took his backpack along, even on short walks or else he'd
never have his winter clothes when he really needed them and, in this
snowy region, his woolen cloak, goggles, and double-thick bandannas
really came in handy.

"I was only going out to pick up some dried squid snacks to share with
Akane..." Ryouga muttered.  "And I didn't even manage that."  He looked
around at the snowy terrain, trying desperately to spot any familiar
landmarks.  A street sign, a familiar restaurant, anything.  But there
was nothing but snow on the sharply sloping ground for as far as he
could see.  At least, in this cold, he didn't have to worry about
falling into any cold water and getting stuck in this wasteland as
P-chan.  It couldn't even rain on him, just snow.  In accordance with
his thoughts, a gust of wind blew a flurry of snow across his
footprints, quickly covering them so he couldn't even tell which way he
had come.  Ryouga looked up toward the summit of the mountain, obscured
by billowing flurries of snow.  "Guess I better try to get my bearings."

Ryouga bowed his head against the bitterly cold wind and began trudging
uphill.  At least he could manage this much.  Just keep going up and he
was bound to reach the summit.  Maybe from there he could spot something
he could use to get his bearings.  If only it wasn't for all this snow,
it might not have been necessary but, as it was, he couldn't even tell
if he was still in the Nerima District at all.

The wind blew fiercely around him as he climbed higher.  A lesser man
would have been blown over by the gale but Ryouga kept his balance,
partly from his martial arts training but mostly out of sheer
stubbornness.  Still, the winds buffeted him and blew icy cold snow
under his cloak, under his collar, and down his back.  It caked around
the edges of his goggles and seeped into his shoes.  He really needed to
think about getting some cold weather shoes.  Maybe when he got back to
the dojo, he could get Akane to take him shopping for some new shoes.

Akane... he could see her face in his mind's eye.  Akane was his
greatest motivation in this life.  True, his need for vengeance against
Ranma was strong but it wasn't what kept him around the Tendo Dojo.  In
fact, he probably would have finished off Ranma long ago if it wouldn't
have ended his excuse to stay there.  He needed to hold on to that
excuse so he could be with Akane.  Sweet, kind, gentle Akane. Always so
happy to see him.  Hugging him, holding him to her bosom, petting his
head.  But always looking down at him because he could only gain her
love as her pet pig, P-chan.  It was both a pleasure and torment.  Even
the name she had given him hurt.  If he were her boyfriend, she might
call him "Ryo-chan" but to be only her pet and called "P-chan" as if in
mockery... But he knew she would never mock him.  Even if he were not
her boyfriend, he was at least her friend. She had once even said they
would always be friends.  And if she wanted to be his friend, maybe one
day... just maybe... He couldn't give up hope on Akane, and that gave
him solace against the cold as he trudged slowly up the mountain.

Of course, Akane would never be his as long as Ranma was around.  Ranma,
who had stolen Akane from him before he had even had a chance.  Ranma,
who had humiliated him over and over.  Ranma, who was directly
responsible for his curse!  How could Akane ever love someone like
Ranma?!  It just wasn't possible!  Ryouga knew deep in his heart that
Akane didn't really love Ranma.  Well, okay, maybe just a little but it
was only because she didn't see what a jerk that Ranma really was.  If
she could see Ranma as he really was, she'd leave him instantly.  But,
if she never did, she'd wind up marr... maaa...  Ryouga couldn't even
allow himself to think of such a nightmare.  It was unthinkable.  Ranma
was a heel!  A coward!  A pervert!  And he wasn't even content to have
just Akane but he also had several other girlfriends besides her.  And
he flaunted it!  Such a low-life cretin couldn't be trusted around
Akane.  Ryouga knew he had to get back to the dojo so he could protect
her from Ranma.  His rage powered through his body and his pace
increased.  "Just you wait, Ranma..."



                    Chapter 2: Springtime for Ryouga

As Ryouga approached the summit, he began to make out the features of a
structure of some kind.  A large building, apparently of very old
design, Chinese judging from the shape of it.  He couldn't really make
out much detail in heavy snow.  Maybe he was in China.  "Well," he
grumbled as he neared the front of the building.  "I guess there's one
way to find out."

The front doors were shielded from the snow by a large awning but heavy
drifts had still piled up against the doors.  Ignoring the drifts,
Ryouga grabbed one of the large iron rings on the doors and pulled.  The
door remained steadfastly closed.  Damn.  He needed to get inside where
he could warm up and possibly get directions.  There was a shovel in his
backpack but it was only a small shovel, useful for camping but not much
use for shovelling snow.  Gritting his teeth, Ryouga started digging
into the snowbank, grabbing up large chunks of snow and tossing them
aside.  His hands were becoming numb from contact with the snow but he
knew he'd get a lot colder if he didn't get inside.  As Ryouga continued
to dig, a strong gust of wind blew him over and he fell, leaving a
Ryouga-shaped hole in the snowbank.  This was too much.  Ryouga leapt to
his feet angrily, slipped on the icy ground, and then stood up again,
growling his frustration.  "All right then, if that's how it's going to
be... Shiishi Houkoudan!!!"  Ryouga focused his frustration and
channelled his ki into a small, localized blast which quickly dispersed
the snowbank in all directions, leaving any remaining snow melted and
trickling away at his feet.  Ryouga approached the heavy door and
pulled.  It remained steadfastly closed.  Maybe it was locked.  Maybe
whoever lived here was on vacation. To blast his way in would be pretty
rude.  Besides, he was pretty tired from using his ki blast to clear the
snow.  He leaned against the door for a moment to catch his frosty
breath.  The door swung inward, spilling Ryouga and a flurry of snow
inside.

Ryouga leapt to his feet, glanced around at the candle-lit room and
shouted, "Where is the Tendo Dojo?"

"Welcome, young traveller."  A small Chinese man in long orange robes
pushed closed the doors behind Ryouga.  "You have travelled long to
reach our humble shrine.  Please, warm yourself by the fire," said the
priest, leading Ryouga to the warmth of the hearth in the center of the
room.

Ryouga rubbed his hands in front of the fire and took a look around the
room.  Braziers burned incense at the four corners of the hearth.
Several curtained doors lead out of the room and small altars with many
candles each stood in the spaces between the doors.  Ryouga turned to
the priest in the flickering light.  "Where... where am I?"

The priest smiled brightly at him, "You are a most honored guest in the
Shrine of Megusenkyou.  I am the keeper of this shrine."

"MEGUsenkyou?  That wouldn't be anything like JUsenkyou?" Ryouga asked
hopefully.  It irked him that, in all his travels, he'd never managed to
wander his way back to Jusenkyou where he might find a cure for his
curse.

The priest nodded.  "The two are similar.  As with light, there will
always be darkness, as with the night there will always be day, for the
Land of Cursed Springs there must be Megusenkyou, Shrine of the Blessed
Spring.  Jusenkyou itself was created as part of the same process to
create this shrine."  The priest pondered Ryouga for a moment.  "If you
are not aware of the Shrine, perhaps you have travelled here by
accident.  But it is said there are truly no accidents if we know how
best to live each moment as true to our destinies as we can.  It is a
great providence that you have come here.  Please, stay the night as our
guest.  You must be cold, tired, and hungry."

Ryouga bowed, "Thank you.  I guess I am pretty worn out.  But I wouldn't
want to put you to too much trouble."  Besides, Ryouga wanted to get
back to the dojo as soon as possible to protect Akane.

"Do not worry.  I am only too happy to help a weary traveller.  And, I
am alone at this shrine so I am grateful for the company."

The priest bowed and left through one of the doors to return a few
moments later with a bowl of hot soup.  "It is but a meager repast as my
needs are few but, please, eat it and enjoy."

Ryouga thanked the priest and eagerly wolfed down the piping hot soup.
He could feel the warmth flowing through his bones and only the wind
whistling outside the main doors reminded him of the arctic conditions
outside.

"We must get you out of your damp clothes or you may become ill," the
priest said, offering a simple robe.  "Please, take this robe.  You will
find a hot spring through here where you may warm yourself while I wash
and dry your clothes."  The priest indicated one of the curtained doors.
"I will leave now to allow you the privacy to change.  Please leave your
clothes here and I will attend to them."  The priest bowed again and
left the room.

Ryouga's clothes were pretty damp.  Luckily, they weren't so damp that
he'd become soaked enough to transform but, as the snow that had gotten
up his sleeves, down his back, and into his underpants continued to
melt, he'd soon be in real trouble.  A hot spring did sound like a good
idea.  Ryouga had been on the road for at least a week and getting into
a warm bath would do his body odor some good.  It was hard to wash on
the road since he had to be careful not to get stuck as P-chan somewhere
that he couldn't get to any hot water.  He slipped out of his clothes,
except for the bandanna he always wore, and laid them beside his
backpack.  Donning the robe he stepped through the door the priest had
indicated.

The kitchen was simple, equipped with roughly the same implements Ryouga
carried in his backpack.  It was not, however, a hot spring.  He glanced
around the room, spotting another door.  This one led to a small bedroom
with a simple pile of straw for the bed.  But still no hot spring.
Ryouga wandered back through the kitchen and found himself in the main
foyer again.  He tried another door and found the priest sitting in a
lotus position on a mat, smoking a pipe.

Ryouga stammered, "A-no... where did you say that hot spring was?"

The priest led Ryouga back through the foyer and through the correct
door to the hot spring.  It was a large room with candles placed in
small alcoves along the walls.  Steam rising from the water filled the
room and gave it a cozy feel.  Ryouga turned to thank the priest but
found he had left without a sound.  Ryouga shrugged out of his robe and
stepped into the warm waters of the spring.

"Ahhhhh....." Ryouga sighed.  He could feel his weariness sloughing off
of him in the relaxing spring.  Leaning against the side of the spring,
Ryouga simply luxuriated in its warmth, enjoying this respite from his
travels.

"Here in the Blessed Spring of Megusenkyou, these blessed waters run
with the positive energies created as a natural counter-balance to the
tragedies of Jusenkyou."  Ryouga blinked in surprise at the priest now
sitting in the spring beside him, still smoking his pipe.  This priest
was pretty good to be able to sneak up on him like that.  "Here these
positive energies will give a person their greatest pleasure, a single
wish fulfilled. Occasionally, just as with Jusenkyou, an underground
spring will form, leading water from Megusenkyou to a well far away,
creating what is commonly referred to as a wishing well.  But for the
wish to be truly potent, one must bathe here in the main spring itself.
Each person may only have one wish granted in his lifetime.  If you
choose, you too may make a wish before you end your stay here."

"A wish?" Ryouga thought for a moment.  "I could finally be rid of this
curse.  Or I could get my revenge against Ranma.  No, wait, I could use
my wish to gain Akane's love for me as myself rather than as her pet."
Ryouga ground his teeth.  "Just one wish?" he asked.

"The spring will only work once for anyone.  Consider your wish
carefully, young traveller."

"But it can be for anything?  Anything at all?"

The guide shifted his position.  "Well, there *are* limitations.  You
can't wish for anything that would change the spring itself.  That means
no wishing for more wishes since that would alter the very nature of the
blessed spring.  Other than that, there are no limitations.  You could
wish for riches beyond your wildest dreams.  Or incredible political
power.  But you will often find the fulfillment of such wishes will
disappoint you.  Your wish is a very personal thing and you must
consider it carefully."

"What did you wish for?" Ryouga asked.

"I have never made a wish.  For me, true happiness does not come in the
form of a wish but in accepting my lot in life and living it as truly as
I may."

Ryouga stared into the rising steam of the spring.  "How do I make my
wish?  Do I have to offer a prayer or something?"

"No, simply state your wish and then submerse yourself fully in the
spring."

Ryouga thought for a few minutes longer.  "Okay, I know what I want."
Ryouga waded out deeper into the spring and paused.  He looked back at
the priest.

The priest watched him curiously from the side of the spring but offered
no advice.

Ryouga turned away, took a deep breath and said, "I wish *I* were the
man that Akane loves."  Then he dropped quietly beneath the waters of
the spring.




[Read this in Akane's voice while envisioning quick clips from an
upcoming episode]:

Ranma did what?  He asked Kunou for a date?  What does that baka think
he's doing?  I can't believe I'm engaged to such a pervert!  Next time
on "Ranma 1/2", "From Ranma with Love!"  Don't miss it!