Ranma Jijou, Part Huit (Ranma Squared, Part Eight) A Silly Ranma 1/2 Fan-fiction by Dov Sherman Ranma 1/2 and its characters are all copyright and trademark to Rumiko Takahashi to whom this fan-fiction is dedicated. _.mmmmmm. _.mm._ .d#########m ..md######b ,############b .d###########b ##P"########## d##############b ,#" #"######## ]##############P dPd#P j\# #P##P ;##########/\###b , ,'d#/b " ` " ##' ####### /. #)###P #b ,' ## # ~~~ ,-"' "####"#/_P "'##P #" `.|##b' -. | `"##b\ #b m" "# / ' -~ -|"#P" _ > .__/ \ _-~.-\ ,'.~-. |_ ~--7.' ~\ / ,'- ~-.-'~-. ,~ | _ .'\ /--~~ | ~ ~-..-~ /-- Chapter 13: Ryouga: The Secret of Blessed Water Ranma and Ryouga sat facing each other atop a tall water tower in the Nerima District. Ryouga fidgeted nervously with his pig-tail and looked around at the surrounding area, at the moon overhead, at his feet, everywhere but at Ranma. He had promised Ranma he would tell him his story and, while Ranma may be a total jerk, Ryouga was not one to go back on his word. There had been no honorable way out of it so he had told him all of it. He had told him about Megusenkyou, about his wish, about Cologne's plan gone awry, everything. He couldn't expect Ranma to take it well, but Ranma's silence was starting to unnerve him. "Well?" Ryouga finally asked. "Well, what?" Ranma said. "What do you expect me to say? You tell me you used a wish to try to get your hands on Akane and then you try to take over my life and get me thrown out of Japan. What am I supposed to say to that? What the heck were you thinking anyway? If you'd stopped for a minute and thought about Cologne's plan you'd've realized it wouldn't work. If you go and get me kicked out of the Tendo's house and then show up looking like me, what made you think they'd take you in?" Ryouga fumed. That cursed Cologne had tricked him just like she'd tricked Ranma so many times before. It just wasn't fair! "What else was I supposed to do? I couldn't exactly just show up looking like you. How could I explain that? And when Akane asked me how I got this way, I'd have to tell her about the wish... I'd have to tell her... NO!!! I'm not telling her that!" "Well, we gotta think of something. You can't just go around looking like me. My life is too confusing already without an evil twin!" "Who you calling an evil twin, Ranma?!" "You pretend to be me and try to make me look bad - what else would you call it?!" "Okay, you've got a point. But that was Cologne's idea, not mine." "Of course it wasn't your idea. I wouldn't expect someone like you to be smart enough to think up something like that anyway." "You shut up, Ranma! I've been through hell today because of you! If you hadn't screwed your life up so badly..." "Don't go trying to blame this on me, P-chan! You're the one who went to Megusenkyou and made that stupid wish! It's your own fault. You shoulda just wished to be cured instead..." Cured? CURED?! Wait just a second, if Ranma could get to Megusenkyou, he could be cured! He'd never have to be a girl again! "Ryouga! You've gotta take me there! We'll go to Megusenkyou and we can both be cured! ALRIGHT!!! Finally! A cure that will work!" Ranma jumped to his feet and danced a little victory jig around the water tower. "Don't be stupid. You don't really think I know how to get back there?" Ranma slumped to his knees. "Aw, man. I knew it was too good to be true. Okay, fine. But we still can't both be me. There's gotta be a way to get you back the way you were." "There is a way." Cologne sat down lightly between Ranma and Ryouga, sucking gently on her pipe. "I may not know the location of the legendary Megusenkyou, but I haven't lived three hundred years for nothing." Ranma leapt to his feet. "You old ghoul! If you think I'm gonna fall for another one of your stupid tricks..." Cologne tapped Ranma on the head with her staff, knocking him back on his haunches. "As I was saying, I am quite well-versed in the legends of China. Ryouga, as you may recall, Megusenkyou only grants one wish to any individual within his lifetime. Even if you could return there, you would not be able to make a second wish." Ranma grumped, "Oh, great! So we ARE stuck with two of me." "Don't despair so quickly, Son-in-law. The enchantment of Megusenkyou is such that, if Ryouga were to enter the blessed spring a second time, he would not only fail to have a second wish granted, but would have his first wish revoked." Ryouga pounded his fist on the roof of the water tower. "A lot of good that does us! I don't even know where the stupid place is!" "Again, do not despair so quickly, Imitation-Son-in-law. It may not be necessary to return to the spring for there are underground springs which connect the blessed spring to distant wells. While these wells lack the power to cure my son-in-law of his curse, their power is great enough to revoke your wish." Ryouga blinked. "Yes, I remember that priest telling me about that." "But," Ranma protested. "We don't know where to find one of these wishing wells, either!" "That will not be necessary." Cologne produced a scroll from the folds of her robe. "This ancient Chinese scroll describes a ceremony by which a normal well can be linked to Megusenkyou. I will give it to you... IF you agree to marry Shampoo." "Forget it! I can live with two of me. There's no way I'm marrying her! I've already got... uh... I mean, I don't want to marry anyone!" Ryouga said, "Come on, Ranma. Go along with it. You've got to. You go ahead and marry Shampoo and I'll take care of Akane." "No way! Just forget it!" Cologne shrugged. "Very well. You can't blame an old woman for trying. I'll perform the ceremony myself. Think of it as my way of apologizing for conspiring against you, Son-in-law. Ryouga, meet me by the well in the park tomorrow at noon." Cologne tucked the scroll into her robes and leapt from the water tower. Ranma watched her bounce from rooftop to rooftop across the neighborhood. Ranma sighed. "So that's it then. No cure for me but at least I won't have to worry about you impersonating me anymore." "And why should I go along with it?" Ryouga asked. "I've got a good thing going here. After all, there would be no problem taking your place... if you were DEAD!" Ryouga launched himself across the water tower, aiming a powerful kick into Ranma's gut. Ranma lightly dodged to the side. "You jerk! I try to help you out and this is the thanks I get?" "Hold still! Damn you!" Ryouga lashed out fiercely for Ranma's face. Ranma deftly deflected the punch with his arm and slipped out of reach. "Jeez, P-chan. You never give up, do you?" "P-chan?" Ryouga smirked. "Not anymore. Not once you're out of the way!" Ryouga pulled off his belt, the one item of his own clothing he'd kept when changing into this "Ranma" outfit. Ryouga flicked the belt, causing it to become rigid. He may have had to leave behind his umbrella and bandannas but his sword-belt was still a very deadly weapon. Ryouga quickly lunged forward and slashed his belt viciously at Ranma. Ranma ducked under the swing and rolled to one side. "I said hold still!" Ryouga swung his belt down on Ranma who rolled out of the way. The belt punctured the roof of the water tower and, unexpectedly, no geyser of cold water suddenly spurted out. Ryouga pulled the belt free and turned to face Ranma who was scrambling for the far side of the tower. "You're not getting away from me, Ranma! Bakusaitenketsu!" Ryouga punched a finger into the roof of the water tower which exploded before him. When the dust cleared, a huge, gaping hole was all that remained of most of the roof. Ranma and Ryouga circled each other on the remaining shards at the edges of the water tower, the water inside sloshing about with the force of their battle. "Good grief! Calm down, Ryouga!" Ryouga gritted his teeth angrily. "Calm down? You tell me to calm down?! This is my last chance to win Akane's love! I'm not going to give up! All this time I've been nothing more than her pet, P-chan. All this time I've watched the two of you pretending there's nothing going on between you. You can't imagine how it breaks my heart to see the two of you together. Akane is so sweet and kind and gentle. She deserves better than you!" "`Sweet and kind and gentle'? Are you sure we're talking about the same Akane?" "Shut up!" Ryouga clenched his fists angrily at his side, the fury and resentment of everything Ranma had stolen from him burning in his heart. "I've had all I'm gonna take from you, Ranma! This is it! This is where we settle things once and for all!" Ryouga gathered his rage, his horrible, intolerable angst, welling up inside him until his aura glowed in fiery angry green flames. "Ranma Saotome, prepare to die! SHIISHI HOUKOU--" Akane's head appeared over the rim of the water tower. "Ranma?" Ryouga froze. Ranma glanced from Ryouga to Akane. "Uh, hi, Akane." "A... Akane!" Ryouga choked as his battle aura spluttered out, a few errant wisps of unused ki puffing from his ears. Akane pulled herself up onto what remained of the roof and looked at Ranma. "Okay. I'm here. Now are you going to tell me what's going on?!" Ranma looked at Ryouga. "Why don't you ask him, Akane?" "Because I'm asking you, Ranma! Don't think I can't tell the real you when I see it!" Ryouga blinked. "But, uh, I mean, in the Nekohanten, you mean... you knew?" Akane frowned. "Okay, so I couldn't tell right away because I was angry but, now that I know what to expect, I'm not going to be fooled by a Ranma doppelganger. I've known this hentai jerk too long to be fooled again." "Hey!" Ranma protested. "Who you calling `hentai', you tomboy?!" "Who are you calling a `tomboy', you pervert?!" "Oh, you are so uncute!" "Who cares if you think I'm uncute?! Why should I care what you think anyway?!" "You shouldn't! It's not like our engagement means anything as far as I'm concerned!" "That's right! It wasn't my idea so don't start getting any perverted thoughts about me!" "What the heck are you talking about?!" Ryouga watched them bicker back and forth. So Akane wouldn't be fooled, even if Ranma was out of the way. Akane knew Ranma too well. It only made sense. After all, Ryouga's wish wouldn't have turned out like this if Akane didn't lo.... lurgh... love Ranma. Curse him! Curse that Ranma Saotome! Why did it have to end like this? Why couldn't things work out for Ryouga just once? Just this once he thought things might actually go his way. But it would never work out for him. He'd never be anything more than Akane's pet P-chan. She'd never love him. Ryouga dropped to his knees, defeated. "Ranma, you win." Ranma and Akane stopped arguing to look at Ryouga. "Uh," Ranma said. "I what?" Ryouga sighed heavily. "You win. I'll go through with the ritual." Ranma stared at Ryouga. Even Ranma wasn't so insensitive that couldn't see how broken Ryouga was. "Uh, that's great, Ryouga. Uh, yeah... great." "Ryouga?" Akane asked. "You're Ryouga?" "Yeah," Ryouga admitted. "It's me." Akane sat down on the edge of the water tower. "Okay, that's it. Nobody's going anywhere until I find out just what the heck is going on here!" "It's... complicated." Ryouga began. "See, I went to this place called Megusenkyou where you can have a wish granted. I, uh, didn't mean to go there, just sorta stumbled on it by accident. Anyway, the reason I look like Ranma is that I made this wish. I... uh... I wished that... uh..." "He wished he were my equal!" Ranma interrupted. "See, he was tired of always getting beat up by me so he wished he were my equal and the wishing spring must have misunderstood." Ryouga stared up at Ranma incredulously. Ranma had just saved him from a very uncomfortable situation. Maybe he wasn't all bad, after all. "Uh, yeah, that's how it happened, alright. Uh huh. Yup." "Oh," Akane said. "I was wondering why you'd want to be Ranma. Seems a pretty silly thing to want to be." "But," Akane said. "Ryouga, you should be happy to be who you are inside. You're a good and noble person and I liked you just the way you were. I just know we'll always be good friends." Friends. How it burned and tortured Ryouga's fragile heart of glass to know he would never be more than Akane's friend. "Th... thank you, Akane. I'll, uh, keep that in mind." Ranma coughed discreetly. "Look, uh, we better get home if we're going to get any sleep. Wouldn't want to oversleep tomorrow and miss the ritual to get you back to yourself, Ryouga." Ryouga, Ranma, and Akane climbed down from the water tower and headed for the Tendo household. When they got home, Ranma gave his father and the other Tendos the story he'd given Akane on the water tower. No need for them to know what Ryouga's wish had really been. It would only have encouraged them. Chapter 14: Ranma Jijou, Kanketsuhen Ranma and Ryouga lay on the roof of the Tendo household and looked up at the stars. It had been a very interesting day and they both had a lot on their minds, but neither was offering up anything. Finally, Ryouga cleared his throat and said, "Ranma, I just wanted to say, thank you. About the way you helped me out with Akane back on the water tower. Thanks." Ranma grunted. "It's no big deal. I just didn't want you making more trouble than you have already. That's all." "Saotome! Don't you have any manners at all? Don't you know how to accept thanks properly?!" "A lot it means coming from someone who spent the day trying to ruin my life, P-chan." "Ah, forget it. I'm going downstairs." Ryouga stepped down to the edge of the roof and dropped down into the yard. That Ranma really infuriated him. He'd tried to be nice to him. He'd tried. But still Ranma kept on trying to humiliate him. Ranma had no honor! Ryouga angrily slid the back door open and headed inside. Everyone should have been asleep by now but Nabiki was still up, reading an old manga called `Urusei Yatsura' at the table. She looked up as Ryouga came in, and put down her manga. "Ryouga," Nabiki said. "I've been waiting up for you." "Please, Nabiki. I'm not in the mood for any more stupid schemes tonight." "But it has to be tonight. Listen, I have a way for you to really stick it to Ranma and it will only give you some minor, temporary discomfort." "And how much is it going to cost me?" "Nothing," Nabiki said. "It won't cost you anything at all. I'll be making enough money from this myself so I don't have to charge you this time." Ryouga considered carefully. Nabiki generally knew what she was doing and, after Ranma's rudeness on the roof, Ryouga definitely wanted a chance for some kind of vengeance. "It's not going to cost me anything, you said?" "That's right. This time, it's on the house." Ryouga nodded. "Okay, what do I have to do?" Nabiki stood and picked up her camera and a bucket of water from beside the table. Giving Ryouga a devious grin, she headed into the hallway. "Follow me." * * * Ranma led Ryouga to the well in the park the next day. What with Ryouga's lousy sense of direction, Ranma wanted to make sure he didn't wind up getting lost again. There was no way he was going to put up with a duplicate of himself running around any longer. Ranma wanted to personally deliver Ryouga to Cologne himself. The ritual was long and complicated, involving a lot of chanting in Chinese, waving around incense, and other technical things that went way over Ranma's head. When Cologne had finished, she had Ryouga sit on the bucket for the well and lowered him down into the water below. Once she felt he had soaked long enough, Cologne pulled the bucket back up. The duplicate Ranma was gone leaving the familiar snout of P-chan in its place. Ranma plucked P-chan out of the bucket. "Well, well, Ryouga. I have to admit, Akane was right. I like you a lot better in this form!" P-chan growled and lashed out with his hooves at Ranma's face, but Ranma tossed him to the ground. "Jeez, can't you take a joke, Ryouga? Now, come on, I gotta get back to school before lunch is over." Ranma strolled back to Fuurinkan High School with P-chan trotting along behind him. In the yard of the school, Akane was waiting for him. "Ranma!" she called as she waved him over. "P-chan!" she added as she noticed Ranma's companion. P-chan leapt up into Akane's arms and she snuggled him warmly. Ranma shook his head in disgust. Some things never change. "So what happened to Ryouga, Ranma?" Akane asked, P-chan nestled innocently in her arms. Ranma glared at P-chan. "Beats me. Musta gotten lost on the way here. Frankly, I'd be glad if I never saw him again. Stupid jerk. My life has enough problems without duplicates of me running around." "Ukyou-sama!" Ranma, Akane, P-chan turned to see Ukyou trying to pry another Ranma off of her leg with her spatula. "Tsubasa!" Ukyou screamed. "Leave me alone, you little creep!" "But I'm not Tsubasa! I'm Ranma! Oh, Ukyou-sama!" The thundering feet of an angry mob sounded from the other side of the schoolyard. P-chan, Akane, and Ranma turned to see a hoard of schoolgirls chasing a two-foot tall Ranma carrying a big sack on its back. "You get back here, you dirty old man!" "You must be mistaken!" Happousai called back. "I'm not an old man! I'm Ranma Saotome, a mere schoolboy!" "Hot off the press!" Nabiki announced from another corner of the schoolyard. Akane, P-chan, and Ranma turned to see her waving a calendar in the air. "Sexy lingerie calendars! Only five thousand yen apiece! Get 'em quick because they're selling fast!" A large crowd of schoolboys quickly formed around Nabiki. Hiroshi wandered in Ranma's direction with one of Nabiki's calendars and Ranma could clearly see the cover showed his girl-form in revealing, lacey lingerie. "Gimme that!" Ranma snatched the calendar away from Hiroshi. "Hey! That's mine! I paid good money for it!" Ranma ignored him and flipped through the calendar. Each month showed his girl-form in different, lurid positions. These pictures were far more vile than the ones he'd had made to lure Happousai into fighting him, more licentious than the pictures Kunou kept in his scrapbook by cutting out pictures of Ranma's girl-form's face and pasting them onto pictures from lingerie catalogs. These were truly humiliating! But Ranma hadn't posed for any pictures like that! He hadn't posed for any pictures, period! Ranma glared at P-chan. "Why you dirty little pig!" Ranma made a grab for P-chan. Akane smacked her schoolbag on Ranma's head. "Stop picking on P-chan, Ranma!" Ukyou stumbled up to Ranma, dragging along Tsubasa who still clung to her leg. "Ran-chan! I'm still waiting to hear what you have to say about your behavior yesterday!" "Oh, Ukyou-sama! I'm over here! Don't you recognize your Ran-chan?!" "Pig-Tailed Girl!" Kunou stood clutching one of Nabiki's calendars to his chest, weeping with joy. "Oh, my innocent flower! Sasuke," he called, turning to his servant. "Have duplicates of these pictures made. I want eight by ten glossies of each one and have billboard-sized prints made of the July and September pictures." "Yes, Master Kunou." "Whoo-hoo! What a haul! What a haul! And remember, if you have any complaints, my name is Ranma Saotome and I live at the Tendo Dojo!" "Come on, Ran-chan! Where's that explanation you owe me?! And let go off me, Tsubasa, you little freak!" "But Ukyou-sama! I'm not Tsubasa! I'm Ranma!" "Sexy calendars! Only six thousand yen each! Not available in stores anywhere!" P-chan snuggled in Akane's arms. That wish business may not have worked out as well as he'd hoped but it wasn't all bad. Still, he was glad things were finally back to normal. ____ /~ ~~- : / \ _ T~~~~~~~T | ____\// ~~~~~ | < |__.-|< ~~T~~~T~~ \(\|/-~ \ |\> ; | >"^`"' (() / \_/ \ -=v> ,`/ \____/|' __| |____....---.....--~\ <~~~~~-----_____ ,~ \____/ | | |><_/--< ~~~~~--{v\ / \,^ / ` /_.-\\ \---<_____------~~~ _____--{^/ / ,._.-"~ `----"~~ ~~' <_____-----~~~~~ ' --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Author's Notes: So ends my first fan-fiction. This story was the result of several weeks of manic writing and re-writing and crafted from only the finest Corinthian leather. My first attempt at prose in a good while. I hope everyone enjoyed it. I'd like to thank all my pre-readers for their patience and feedback, my friend Greg who patiently listened to me tell him all about Ranma 1/2 and my story and helped me come up with lots of plot pieces, Megazone for providing rec.arts.anime.stories, all the other fan-fiction authors who inspired me, the folks at Viz for making Ranma 1/2 available in the US, and, especially, manga genius Rumiko Takahashi for creating such a great series. Sorry there was such a delay between the first six parts and the last two but, when I reached part seven, I realized I'd really written myself into a tight spot. I considered lots of things to put there but they kept sounding like just more of the same stuff so it took me a while to come up with an ending I was really satisfied with. What's next? How about some cross-overs with various Takahashi characters? "Devil Hunter Kyoko", "Assemble Insert 1/2", and "Nihao Kitty" are a few ideas I've been mulling over, hopefully to be dismissed before ever being written. We'll just have to see...